Around the Promenade in 8 RiFWoLs (Reviews in Five Words or Less)

santa monica third street promenade, los angeles, ca - reviews in five words or less (rifwol)
Normally, I list a few RiFWoLs (Reviews in Five Words or Less)* when I don’t have time to write out complete experiences, but have to post something in order to maintain a publishing schedule with semi-regular frequency so that the eight readers who have stuck it out this long with me don’t think I’ve somehow moronically trapped myself under a tiny little overturned mixing bowl in my kitchen.

Wait, a mixing bowl in my kitchen? How could that possibly happen? I never go in the kitchen!

Eventually, I publish the whole story with full frontal food porn. However, these RifWoLs are just RiFWoLs with no future individual posts pending. The restaurants are on or around the Promenade, which alone relegates them to third class by association, but regardless any kind of racial restaurant profiling or personal prejudices, they just don’t deserve that much attention in the form of a dedicated post because there wasn’t enough of a story. In some cases, I don’t even have any sort of accompnaying photo. I’m just putting them here as RifWoLs because I am a stupid obsessive like that.

(* note: “RiFWoL” is mine. I will be ever-so-flattered if you adopt the acronym into your vernacular, but if you take credit for it, I will beam myself through the internet and haunt you.)

Baja Bud’s – Expensive burrito. No salsa bar?!?!
1315 3rd Street Promenade
Santa Monica, CA 90401

Bangkok West Thai – Clean. Long walk for mediocrity.
606 Santa Monica Blvd
Santa Monica, CA 90401

Broadway Deli – Soup, only if office caters.
1457 3rd Street Promenade
Santa Monica, CA 90401

Chez Jay – History feels old and dirty.
1657 Ocean Ave
Santa Monica, CA 90401

Falafel King – Self-serve falafel. Expensive by pound.
1315 3rd Street Promenade # C
Santa Monica, CA 90401

Johnny Rockets – Coerced into burgers. Never again.
1322 3rd Street Promenade
Santa Monica, CA 90401

Sushi Mon – Same quality as ghetto Shogun.
401 Santa Monica Blvd
Santa Monica, CA 90401

Sushi Shogun – Extra wasabi kills B-rating germs.
1315 3rd Street Promenade
Santa Monica, CA 90401

Thai Dishes – Tofu green beans best value.
111 Santa Monica Blvd
Santa Monica, CA 90401

Wolfgang Puck Cafe – Long wait on pigeon-infested patio.
1315 3rd Street Promenade
Santa Monica, CA 90401

** a year ago today, i couldn’t grow basil to save my DNA, but i can make an awesome pesto **
** two years ago today, it was still a little early to say “ya” about sa sa ya **

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  • hermz

    I will always <3 Falafel King.

  • TeddyBallgame

    Would the judges accept…
    Trastevere: Travesty That It Stays Open
    Thai Dishes: Owning Overcooked, Uninspired Cafeteria Thai
    Jinky’s: Above Average Amongst, Relatively Speaking
    King’s Head: Hangover Helper
    Britannia: Extreme Hangover Helper, Avoid Curry
    Le Pain Quotidien: Ask To Heat A Croissant
    Barney’s: Not If You Paid Me
    Border Grill: Good, Albeit Not At Prime
    La Serenata: Something’s There, Just Lacking Character
    Real Food Daily: Never Disappointed Despite Service Shortcomings
    La Botte: Genius
    Abode: Dear Lord
    Boa: Birdie, Crowd And Food Deliver
    Japanese Spot In Alley: Don’t Stray From The Udon
    Gaucho: There Was One?
    Bravo: Pizzeria On Main Much Better
    Fred Segal: Who Are Those People?
    Lobster: Space Wasted, Such A Shame
    PF Changs: Really? Michael Vick, PF Changs?
    Lago: The Definition Of Hit/Miss
    Ivy: Mojito Saves The Day, Again
    JiRaffe: Thoughtful, Consistent And Pleasantly Unhip
    Capo: Tasting Menu: Westside’s Best Bargain [no joke]
    Cora’s: Huevos Oros, Nicest Staff Ever
    Lighthouse Sushi: Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

  • sarah

    hermz: wait. that’s six! you can’t try to slip code in as non-word!

    teddy: you just made me *sigh*. and some with even fewer than five? holy hotness.

    um, dinner sometime? maybe?

  • joanh

    hahah. this is awesome. i think you should do 5 word reviews for every place. maybe i will steal your idea when i am being lazy and need to catch up on posts and there is not much else to say.

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