Guy’s – Fun and Fobby Floozies on the Patio

guy's, los angeles, ca
I used to be a big clubber. I don’t mean “big,” like I used to weigh in at a healthy 140 pounds and would go clubbing. Please, don’t be offended if you weight 140 pounds. I am 5’2″ so 140 pounds, even at a towering 5’6″ in obnoxious hooker heels, would be very healthy for me. I use the word “big” in every other sense that the word “big” could be used in the context of nightlife – Thursday night through Monday morning, one big hazy “weekend” of drinking like I had just take my last final exam, dancing until my clothes were sheer with perspiration, drinking, DJs, drinking (did I say that thrice? I meant to); all of this going down at “big” clubs. Every evening started with a cocktail and a silent promise to myself that I very rarely broke, “Girl, if you’re going to go out, go out big.”

But with age, wisdom, and maturity, one grows out of such raucous, youthful (juvenile?), high-energy, high-stylin’ nightlife. Unemployment putting a drain on my already teeny tiny pocketbook that’s only big enough to hold a mini Sugar gloss, earplugs, and my ID certainly doesn’t help either.

So in the last few months, no, make that the last year, my nightlife has toned down a bit, replaced almost entirely by this delicious life. Escapades are becoming fewer and far between, and well, 170 bpm bass-driven evenings that used to register at a record-breaking 14 out of 10 every night (!!!) have slowly but surely quieted to a soft, almost inaudible lullaby. There have been periods of complete silence for weeks.

I say it as though I miss “big.” I do. There are Friday afternoons, especially the gorgeous sunny ones, when I want to start “getting ready” at 4 pm – the whole fantabulosa routine of blowing out my hair, rolling it up, teasing, spraying, sprunching it for 45 minutes to make it look like I spent 10, sitting down in just a towel at the vanity to paint a perfect face that will melt off within 30 minutes of stepping into the club, tearing apart my closet because I have nothing! nothing! nothing! to wear, slipping into three completely different outfits that makes me look too, well, too something undesirable, until I pour myself a vodka/rocks and I end up in the first outfit anyway, looking perfectly…super fantastic. Away we go, not to return until Cindersarah has lost her tiara, her pumpkin, both her glass slippers, and left her tab open at the front bar. Ask me what the inside of any club looks like during the daytime on a Tuesday. I can tell you. It ain’t pretty.

And yet, I don’t miss “big.” I’m not sure whether I’ve simply become lazy, complacent in this Barry Manilow nightlifestyle I’ve let myself slip into, or if it’s just a natural byproduct of “growing up.” Actually, I just read about Barry Manilow’s concert in Vegas wherein 70 year old Barry Fan-ilows were twirling glowsticks and swaying their hip replacements, so I can’t even call myself Lola. It’s hard to tell. I think I am growing up, despite many a La Prairie anti-aging effort not to.

I like to go out, but nowadays, I like to go…medium.

The big hyper-stimulatory sensory overload of the mega danceclubs are too much. Too much…too much what? Yes, exactly. Too much “getting ready” effort. Too much driving all the way to Hollywood. Too much for parking. Too much of a clusterf**k at the velvet rope. Too loud. Too crowded. It’s. Just. Too. Big.

“Medium” means I like to go to a bar where the wait to get in, if there is one at all, is only as long as it takes to check the date on an ID. I like to go to a lounge where the music is in the background and the focus isn’t on the next supermegafantastorama DJ about to spin black magic on the decks, but on the company right in front of me. I like to go to a place where I can actually have a conversation, and not have to call upon my lip-reading skills to find out where the bathroom is, not that I’d like to go to the bathroom and wait 35 minutes just to use it.

And I think that’s where and what it is for me. I like to be able to enjoy quality time, in a venue that’s not necessarily intimate or cozy (read: tiny dive), just smaller, and more conducive to conversation. It doesn’t have to be quiet enough so that my friends and I can have a deep discourse on Darwinism, but you know, low-key.

guy's bar, los angeles, ca
bring your binoculars

We spent the evening at Guy’s, which was sort of hipster hidden, under the social mass radar, for a while. I hadn’t heard of it before, though it probably is old news by now. It didn’t matter. We drove up Beverly, wondered who besides FOBulous tourists would be at the Hard Rock Cafe, then U-turned, realizing that we had missed Guy’s. We missed it twice because other than a tiny white 8 pt san serif “Guy’s” on black canopy, it’s signlessly tucked neatly between two much flashier establishments. On the third pass, we pulled into the valet lot off the side street that Guy’s shares with JFD (Jerry’s Famous Deli, for the uninitiated). Strangely, I think they share more than just the parking lot, which I only have recently begun to untangle (investigate the websites). Had I known that Guy’s was somehow backhandedly associated with the Godfather of mega-menu-bibles, I might have been skeptical.

It’s a small, simple, single room of a place with a DJ booth right at the entrance so you can take a peek at who’s setting the mood for you. There are seats along one wall, and a bar along the opposite wall. It may sound big since it takes up the entire wall, but it’s a small wall. As is the custom, we ordered a drink. Immediately.

guy's bar, los angeles, ca - patio bar
bar by Ikea

We wandered out to the back patio, which is about twice the size of the inside room. This is where the action was, the majority of which was heavily weighted at the far end. People were anxiously pressing up against a makeshift bar, complete with catering company black tablecloths tossed over a high table and Ikea shelving dangerously teetering with hard liquor. The patio is outfitted with plushy sofa-esque chairs around the perimeter if you want to see. Straight down the center of the patio, there are circular settees (I think that’s what they are called) wrapped around the poles that hold up the canopy, if you want to be seen. We draped ourselves like a Calvin Klein ad on the side sofas. We even kicked up our feet on the small cocktail table.

guy's bar, los angeles, ca - han vodka
that’s very asian

Guy’s was in cahoots with some crazy Asians, promoting some sort of made-in-the-USA-market
ed-with-eastern-exoticism swill that night, and depite my better judgment, I was drinking Han on the rocks. Why? Why when I go somewhere as anglo as “Guy’s,” must I be stalked by my yellow heritage?! It wasn’t the worst vodka I’ve ever tasted in my life. It was actually kind of sweet, and I’ll just leave it at that.

The crowd on the patio was an eclectic mix, which made for curious people-watching and interesting conversation. Yes, some of our conversation during the evening was reduced to childish whispering and giggling about other people. We were discreet; at least we didn’t point. There were a few of the painfully hipster hipsters (ah, the joys of a word that can be an adjective and a noun!), but rolling our eyes at them is so last year, baby. There were also young men in suits, which we thought was odd. Guys still wear suits to bars and clubs? I guess guys who go to Guy’s do. More than likely, they had come from some other jacket-required function and had stopped off at Guy’s for a drink or two, but it was more fun to dream up stories of their being mobsters.

The best set of the evening though, was a trio of tiny girls who were perched like a centerpiece of parakeets on one of said spot-lighted settees. “Adorable” is one word that comes to mind, as do “FOB” and “tramp.” They were three tiny Asian girls, of which nationality I am not sure, but each one was a fantastically risque version of Hello Kitty, fair-skinned, highly cut and styled hair, innocently colorful but definitely PG-13 outfits that minimally covered enormously disproportionate…uh, bodies that could only have been surgically enhanced and nutrionally de-hanced. They were quite a delicious sight, looking like they had just stepped out of Japanime DVD, or perhaps off the stage of their world-wide j-pop tour. Though I couldn’t hear them from across the patio, I could feel their high-pitched giggles between their very lady-like sips of very pink and frilly cocktails, no doubt made with Han vodka. They weren’t awkward nor did they appear uncomfortable, but they certainly looked out of place, which is probably exactly what they wanted.

In the past, we would stay until the ugly lights came on, which meant a very big 4 am, but cruising along at medium, we left Guy’s around midnight.

Guy’s
8713 Beverly Boulevard
West Hollywood, CA 90048
310.729.4031

www.guysbar.com

** a year ago today, i stuffed myself with a stuffed bagel **

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  • Maure

    sarah said, re: sandra lee
    “and acts like she laid those big bean burritos herself”

    now that must been written during your BIG clubbing days – that’s a
    classic vodka & tonic, hold the tonic quote.

    boy and man, a guy could have gotten into alot of trouble with a girl like you back in those days,
    i;m sure the stories would knock tomkat off the front page of the
    Star and Wall St. Journal.

  • sarah

    maure: haha! most definitely hold the tonic – never liked the stuff. if it must be diluted, i prefer simple soda. and no, i’m not trouble. not a bit of trouble at all. :)

  • Anonymous

    may i ask what day of the week this was? so that i distinguish the day/crowd.

  • sarah

    anonymous: we went on a thursday.

  • Anonymous

    Hi Sarah! it’s Elaine! I love this blog! We totally think alike! haha!

  • sarah

    elaine? is that you?!? hi elaine! (elaine elaine, right?) we need to grub together…

  • Anonymous

    thursday… thanks sarah.

    I’ve been reading your blog since last year and it is thouroughly enjoyed. I haven’t read many bar tags on thedelicoiuslife… are there ANY bars/lounges that you recommend in your “big clubber” past or your slimmed down 2006 version?

  • s’kat

    I feel your pain, Sarah. ‘Back in the day…’ (oh crap, does that ever make me sound ol!) I used to be quite into the raver scene down in Florida. It was fun while it lasted, but I certainly can’t see dealing with large, obnoxious crowds like that again… or wearing those funny big pants. ;)

    I’ve taken to comfortable jeans and inviting friends to hang out on my patio… much more mellow, much better on the wallet, too. On the liver? Not so much.

  • hermz

    Hey, wanna go out for Sander tomorrow night? It’s gonna be huge! :P

  • hermz

    Hey, wanna go out for Sander tomorrow night? It’s gonna be huge! :P

  • sarah

    hello anonymous! thanks so much for reading! hm…well, it really depends on what you like and where you are.

    i mean, i really do like avalon, as the venue is lovely for an all night dance-a-thon to very good DJs (sander kleinenberg – i accidentally said “sasha” but damn european djs all look alike – on 4/15/06, etc.), but i have found that it has become overrun by klubkandykids. lol!

    what do you like? music? strong drinks? hipster vibe? eye candy?

    peach: lol at gay martini menu!

    s’kat: yeah, the liver cried for mercy.

    hermz: huge! haha! um, i think i may be passing on that. it’s 4/15. tax man ;)

  • Dwight

    Yeah. I’m loving the writing and the photos every day.
    Sarah, when do you write—late, late night, mid-morning?
    Thotchumitelikethisguysflow:
    http://www.largeprimenumbers.com/

  • presodent

    sarah: thanks for the info on avalaon, i’m not from la (down in oc) but i’m looking lounge, drinks, dancing. i’ve been to guy’s and the physical place (patio bar, inside dancing) and location in the city is great. any other suggestions along those lines?

    thanks again, i will be anonymous no mo’!

  • Catherine

    if you haven’t already tried guy’s dinner menu, they have delicious appetizers and a scrumptous dessert menu! then again, come to think of it, it was a pre-fix dinner for a wrap party so it might be slightly different, i don’t know. i just remember their flaky rice balls and rich chocolate flan with buttery caramel sauce. try it!

  • sarah

    dwight: *whoa* that’s some crazy stream of consciousness. i usually write, um, ALL DAY. LOL!

    presodent: hm, well if you like room to dance in a small venue, there’s always zanzibar in santa monica, though it can get pretty crowded. avalon is HUGE compared to that. lemme think a little on what’s out there, and perhaps others can offer up some suggestions, too.

    cat: it must have been a specially catered event, because i don’t recall seeing that there was enough room for a kitchen. then again, maybe they share with jerry’s next door!

  • Catherine

    I think the kitchen is located just beyond the patio, which is was a pretty decent size from what I can remember (I didn’t drink that night so I can trust my memory on this one). Anyway, the food was delicious, but nothing all that exciting, except for the two items I mentioned. Wait. You don’t like flan. Not even if it’s chocolate? OK forget it. So you might just go to Guy’s for the crisp rice balls. But would it be worth it? Maybe, if you plan to have ice-cream, too! (And maybe, if Jerry’s was your only other option) :)

  • LACheesemonger

    Sarah said:

    and depite my better judgment, I was drinking Han on the rocks. Why? Why when I go somewhere as anglo as “Guy’s,” must I be stalked by my yellow heritage?! It wasn’t the worst vodka I’ve ever tasted in my life. It was actually kind of sweet, and I’ll just leave it at that.

    You know, Sarah often says the same thing about me, lol

    I would think that Sarah would like either the “SEX” vodka, or the “X-rated” vodka they sell at the Beverage Warehouse…seems to fit her personality better ;o.

    I wouldn’t rely on this review anymore than I would most of the recommendations by people in the wine industry, wine shops or wine bars Sarah.. Trust me, they have usually have peculiar tastes/palates, and cannot do a great job of helping determine what styles of wines a n00b or advanced wine drinker will like with food pairings. Begginers like Sarah are often easier to please, but I said ‘great’, as opposed to ‘good’. If you want ‘great’, better off asking some like me, stay away from the wine snobs, elitists the make up the bulk of the wine trade.

    KAUFFMAN LUXURY VINTAGE VODKA

    KAUFFMAN LUXURY VINTAGE VODKA
    ___________________________

    Origin: Russia; $100+

    “Awesome,” Christian Navarro, sommelier to the stars, says of Kauffman Luxury Vintage Vodka. “Great texture and flavor.” He plans to stock the pricy stuff at Wally’s, his West Los Angeles fine wine and spirits store, but it hasn’t yet been approved for sale in the USA”

    Heads up Sarah, Navarro started out in his youth as a driver for Dennis Overstreet’s Wine Merchant shop in BH, when it used to be on the corner of little SM Blvd. Guy had a ponytail, and my impression of him then was he was quite retarded as well as being a dork. Then he got a job as a lowly salesman at the Wine House on Cotner, under the tutilage of asst. manager Larry Siebel who had also worked for Overstreet for about a decade, Navarro actually became a wine elitist snob who learned about wine from Larry, and still kind of retarded, with ponytail. Then he moved on to Wally’s–rumor has it that Navarro has been offered a piece of the business by semi-retired Wallace, it’s not Navarro’s store no matter what you read—, where he was again and elitist wine snob dork, who eventually ended up, because of Steve Wallace’s wealthy clientele, working with the rich/celebrity…those who have more money than taste, btw. So a recommendation from Navarro is more marketing PR, kind of like a used car salesman ;). Yeah, I know most of these people around the town Sarah, a guy that used to work for Wally’s was a friend of mine, told me about how back in the early 1990’s, Steve-0 was upstairs in his office porking the secretary, while snorting coke, lol. As I child I used to buy those same ‘gourmet’ ic sandwiches that have made you bust your jeans recently, lol- Orange Crush soda, Cheetos, and IC drumsticks with the chocolate dip, and nuts sprinkled on top. Rode my BMX bicycle there to be awed by the ‘expensive’ $200-400 bottles of wine and cognac inside the small locked cabinet. Back then Wally’s was a dumpy snacks and liquor store, right next to the Apple Pan, in btw the Union 76 gas station that was on the corner. I don’t ride a BMX anymore, and can’t afford those high-calorie IC sandwiches and other junk food. Any more gossip you’d like to know about ;-) ? vanna white’s cheating handsome Italian ex-husband perhaps?

    Are there any Asian women, that are not a threatening factor for Sarah, when she wants to be the center of attraction for the good looking guys? What’s with the constant dissing of Asian women who don’t have small breasts like Sarah??? (and of course I do my best to make Sarah feel better about her obsession, but posting every super-hot, super-skinny, small breasted, but pissing off Sarah perfectly plump/perky shaped like sin sans larger enhancement women I can find a picture of…hehe). Oh yeah, there are actually some women who are cursed, Asian with naturally large breasts…KCAL 9 TV anchor Mia Lee for example..built like the proverbial brick pagoda (btw, when she 1st started in LA, she was going by the name http://cbs2.com/bios/local_bio_292131257.htmlSumia Lee, just as I thought, another fake Korean-Americanized name ;) ).

    Maybe Sarah can help me out, 3 pictures of that freaky chick from Beijing, Bai Ling.
    Bai Ling
    One where she’s ‘flattened out’ by the strapless top, kind of being pulled down into droppy position on LATV 18 like she’s tiny

    Then at the AZN network awards in Jan 2006, we see what apprears to be a whole size bigger, sans any support (I don’t think there is enough exposure in this one, I mean you can’t even see any part of her nipples ;-(…about the same Sarah, as the 3 ‘falsies’ Asians you saw at Guys?. Btw, next to Bai Ling, is another skinny small breasted woman (that Sarah no doubt hates, cause Yoon-jin Kim was raised in New York but speaks/has an accent like a native Korean)
    Yoon-jin Kim & Bai Ling-exposed

    Lost’s Kim Joon-jin

    So I was watching (out of the corner of my eye) this dumb sitcom called ‘What about Brian’ by the creators of the hit ABC show Lost. And wouldn’t you know it, 3 guys in the show, hit up the night for some hooking up at that hip place Sarah likes to visit for sushi, Geisha House, lol. So I’m reading this entry by Sarah, while a commercial break comes on with (I kid you not, copasetic I think ;) ), the new Moto SLVR iTunes capable phone, with the song by Hooverphonic playing- This Strange Effect.

    “you’ve got this strange effect on me…. and I like it”. Ah so, that’s why I keep coming back to my longing for the Delicious Life. But is it the iCandy food pr0n, or is it the ‘day in the life of yummy Sarah herself??? ;)

    Sarah’s cell rings… a voice calls to her :” Sarah be ready to leave in 15min!, pack your bags, we’re going to SF for an all-nighter”

    See, Sarah hasn’t really grown up, like she wants you to believe ;). Hurry, the party starts at 6PM, though by the time Sarah gets to the airport it will be close to 5PM, and she’ll arrive fashionably late.

    Just in the nick of time, I found yet another Par-teee, for Sarah to dance the night away, and how could she resist. Yah, and I have it on good authority, that in addition to all those favorite disco songs of Sarah’s, they will have a cooking demo inside the kitchen for all the guests, making things like truffled omelet with your choice of magic mushrooms. Stir-fried, bean sprouts, broccoli, water chestnuts, pork, and the piece de resistance ingredient- slices of peyote buttons…woohoo.
    Party time at this SF restuarant/dance floor

    Though we know it’s got to be strictly a legit program, what with a SF supervisor on the board ;0 !

    hang out with the celebrities, kind of ;)

    There is this Halloween entry from last year on the DL, the ‘Abba’ theme, that I’ve been meaning to update, but some how this song feels more appropriate to add here I this entry…so apropos to the them, as it will not get Sarah evicted as long as she don’ts p
    lay it on her home stereo. She wants revenge: ‘Out of Control’

    I dl’d it, and imported a free mpg3 version of it, which I can’t find the link for now (iTunes lists it as ‘Electronica/dance’, which is about right, good for raves or any dance floor with lots of green and blue laser lights twirling around); but you can dl an .asf file link to your hard drive from this site Out of control

    and then click on the link and Windows Media Player will stream a low-quality version (at least that’s how it worked for me.

    Don’t know why, but this soooo reminds me of Sarah ;).

    With a high heel against the wall, kind of dancing though not at all.
    She had stockings running up to her thigh, snaps her fingers to keep the time.

    From the back of the room I saw her there. I see she wants to be left alone and I shouldn’t dare.

    But then she noticed me glance at her, I had no choice but to dance with her.

    The lights that move sideways and up and down, the beat takes you over and spins you round. Our hearts steady beating, the sweat turns to cold, we’re slaves to the DJ and out of control

    I watch her feet move, her hips they sway, does a hair flip, then starts to say ‘Oh my God it’s my favorite song’ I pull her close and she sings along. We can’t slow down even if we try, if the record keeps spinning so will I. She likes disco, and tastes like a tear, tells me ‘Don’t stop dancing’ and she’s pulling me near

    The lights that move sideways and up and down, the beat takes you over and spins you round. Our hearts steady beating, the sweat turns to cold, we’re slaves to the DJ and out of control

    We’ve got nowhere to go, we’ve got nothing to prove
    Instead of dancing alone, I should be dancing with you
    This song is turning me on, the beat is doing me in, or maybe it’s only you, but either way lets begin

    We’ve got nowhere to go, we’ve got nothing to prove
    Instead of dancing alone, I should be dancing with you
    This song is turning me on, the beat is doing me in, or maybe it’s only you, but either way lets begin

    We’ve got nowhere to go, we’ve got nothing to prove
    Instead of dancing alone, I should be dancing with you
    This song is turning me on, the beat is doing me in, or maybe it’s only you, but either way lets begin

    The lights that move sideways and up and down, the beat takes you over and spins you round. Our hearts steady beating, the sweat turns to cold, we’re slaves to the DJ and out of control

    The lights that move sideways and up and down, the beat takes you over and spins you round. Our hearts steady beating, the sweat turns to cold, we’re slaves to the DJ and out of control

    The lights that move sideways and up and down, the beat takes you over and spins you round. Our hearts steady beating, the sweat turns to cold, we’re slaves to the DJ and out of control.

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