When my family gets together and both my nieces are there and one of them hurls herself onto the ground, pounding tiny balled up fists into the ground and emitting shrill, unintelligible demon cries from the little purple head that she’s flailing from side to side; and the other one sits quietly on the couch flipping through the pages of one of my cookbooks, pointing at the pictures and softly identifying “choona” (tuna) and and “uvas” (grapes), whom do you think I love more? Who receives all her Delicious eemo’s adoration and affection?
Can you figure out which niece is my favorite?!?!
You guessed it. Give me the shrieking monster.
The real demon child is the one whose sacrilegious saliva is collecting in red-velvet tinged puddles all over the now smeared, torn, and crinkled pages of my precious cookbook!
If God were to ever
curse bless me with my own family, clearly I’d have to limit myself to one child. If I were to have two, one of them would grow up and require way too many expensive hours in therapy for feeling inadequately loved by his mother who always gave more to the cuter, smarter, quieter, cleaner, harder, better, faster, stronger child.
So maybe I wouldn’t be an unconditionally-loving Mommy.
But I am an unconditionally-loving blogger who loves all of her readers equally and gives the same chance to win The Lee Bros. Southern Cookbook with a totally fair, unbiased, random drawing!
The randomly chosen winner is…
And don’t worry, the cookbook doesn’t have pictures, so my niece didn’t touch it.