Pretty in Pink and Why I Love That He’s a Terrible Liar

kitchenaid 5 qt artisan stand mixer - PINK!
It was over the phone, but I knew he was smiling.

“Are you going to be home today?” he asked. I could tell that he was also nervous. It was the tone of his voice.

Am I going to be home today? I held back a delicate scream. I rolled my eyes. Not at him. At myself. I have no life outside of blogging, or “working from home,” as I like to call it now. Yes, working from home for a big fat paycheck of zero dollars.

“Aren’t I home everyday?!?!” is what was hissing in my head, but what came out of my mouth and into the phone was sweet.

“Yes, I’ll be home. Why?”

“Uh.” He paused for an almost imperceptible nanosecond, but it was long enough that I noticed. Then the words came out a little too quickly for them to be natural. He had practiced. “I think I accidentally had my new contact lenses delivered there instead of the office, so can you make sure to be home?”

It made me smile. He is a terrible liar, which is a good thing, I guess. Once he tried to lie about a girl (from before we even met, but still, a girl). He gave up, flustered, and came clean. And I didn’t even have to say a thing.

He was trying hard, and yet I almost wanted to play a game. I knew what was up. I wanted to tell him that suddenly, for the first time in months, I have decided to not blog all day. I would actually get up to take a shower for the first time in a week, meet the Girls for lunch and go shopping for the rest of the day. That would screw up his plan and make him squirm. I wondered how he would get himself out of it.

If it were anyone else, they’d see right through to the horrible homebody I will always be. But he is very very trusting. I didn’t do it.

“Sure. I can wait for your contacts.” I hung up and looked forward to the delivery of his contact lenses a.k.a. my birthday present.

I mean really now, on the actual day of my birthday did he honestly expect me to believe that a delivery would be his contact lenses?

I couldn’t even imagine what it would be. I had already gotten flowers that morning. A book? A CD? I only have books and CDs on my secret wishlist. But the curiosity got lost as I turned my attention, as usual, to my statcounter.

Dammit! Why so low?!?! I went back to writing.

It was late in the afternoon when the knock on the door startled me from the progressively forward hunch that had my face not more than six inches from the laptop screen. Had I been any other, normal person, there would have been that risk of my forgetting to wait. I might have stepped out to grab coffee with a friend. Maybe gone shopping to get a new outfit for myself. Maybe run three miles as part of my new fitness routine.

I am Sarah. Even if I forget to not leave the house, I’ll never leave the house.

But the doorbell was reminder that yes, I was waiting. I jumped up from my seat and ran to the door with what I am sure was an impish grin on my face. Birthday present.

If they were contact lenses, they were the biggest, heaviest contact lenses on the planet, or else he was confident that his eyesight would never change and had ordered a full lifetime supply of lenses for himself. And his Mom. And Dad. And his whole damn extended family scattered throughout the US. The box was so big, bulky and heavy, that Brown said I probably wouldn’t be able to lift it.

*psha!*

I bent over to pick up the box. Brown was right. It didn’t budge, even under my She-Ra brute strength.

After I very politely thanked Brown for bringing the box inside and shut the door quietly behind him, I stared for a moment at the enormous box in the middle of the living room floor. Just a moment. Packages don’t stay unopened for long – even if they’re not addressed to me.

Then I attacked the box the way most of us do, too impatient and excited to go to the fully-loaded-by-Dad Craftsman toolbox in the closet to get the utility knife, risking a $15 manicure by picking at the edge of the tape on the side of the box, but unable to lift the tape’s edge from the cardboard, grabbing any remotely sharp-ish object in sight (car keys!) and poking at the tape unsuccessfully, finally getting the box open after repeated, progressively more aggressive stabs at the tape with a Uniball Micro with the cap off.

kitchenaid 5 qt artisan stand mixer, pink - base
pink is the new pink
kitchenaid 5 qt artisan stand mixer, pink - top
do i get to call myself…an artisan!?!?

KitchenAid.

In pink.

I will spare the steamy details of what happened next. Let’s just say that meeting in person is very different from reading a profile and seeing a picture online. It is easy to be impressed online, to be swayed by what some marketing department has done to a description, to be attracted to a photo that has been re-touched, but live and in-the-pink-and-stainless-steel-flesh, you will know. You will know if it’s just “nice to meet you in person, don’t call us, we’ll call you,” or if you feel “it.”

It was electric.

And that’s all I’ll say about that.

Thank you, J. I love…it. ;)

** a year ago today, amuse cafe needed a muse (and never got one) **

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  • Stephanie

    Oooh…what a pretty present!

    Now, shall I send you the recipe for the cake that never was, so you can make it yourself??

  • Jenny

    LOL! I got the same thing for my birthday present last week, in black!
    Only mine was set up on the kitchen counter when I woke up in the morning and I have yet to have to try and lift it myself.
    Happy Birthday!

  • Culinary Fool

    Happy Birthday! I haven’t checked in in way too long – glad I made it by today so that I could wish you a wonderful new year!

    And what a great gift! Lucky you!

    ~ B

  • Dwight

    My birthday was June 15, Sarah.
    I got something delivered too—
    a lens cleaning cloth from my optometrist.
    “Whoever you are – I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.”

  • Veruca Salt

    Happy Birthday!

    What a sweetie he is. And in pink. How romantic.

    Stop with the shoes, jewellery, perfume & lingerie! Give me the Kitchen Aid I say!!!!!! (oh and the shoes please)

  • anni

    Hurray! What a great birthday present!

    Think Pink . . .No Stupid Girl, ’round heeeya, n’est ce pas?

    Many happy, happies!

    Tootles,
    Anni :-)

  • Lindsay

    congrats, and happy belated birthday!

    i just got one for myself, but in green apple (sometimes referred to as lemongrass). we’re pretty inseperable, that kitchenaid and me. well, i mean, i don’t carry it everywhere–it’s kinda heavy…but you know what i mean.

  • Lindsay

    congrats, and happy belated birthday!

    i just got one for myself, but in green apple (sometimes referred to as lemongrass). we’re pretty inseperable, that kitchenaid and me. well, i mean, i don’t carry it everywhere–it’s kinda heavy…but you know what i mean.

  • Cate

    Happy Birthday fellow birthday girl. ;) Hope it was a wonderful one!

  • Sylvie

    Happy Birthday. Pink sure is pretty.

  • Acme Instant Food

    You lucky girl you! Happy Birthday to a decidedly deserving girl!

  • Colleen Cuisine

    PINK!!! I’m so JEALOUS! I have red, but I really wanted pink… just didn’t have the guts at the time. Lucky girl.

  • Acme Instant Food

    Isn’t this like the 2nd or 3rd one this year? You are my opposite–I try to celebrate em only once ever 18 months or so.

  • Acme Instant Food

    Isn’t this like the 2nd or 3rd one this year? You are my opposite–I try to celebrate em only once ever 18 months or so.

  • Mochene

    Ah, I remember when I courted mine at the store (Cobalt Blue, close to the blue I saw in Greece) and finally got for Christmas. Just don’t spend too much time with it, or he might regret getting it for you.

    Glancing at my blue baby. Sigh.

    Happy Birthday!

  • Elodie

    Happy Birthday ! Pink is really sweet !

  • Julia

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
    Wow what a nice present! **Jealous!!**…
    Certainly a lot better than contacts! But now the question; what are you going to make first with it?? :)
    Love your blog!!

  • Mae

    Happy Birthday!!! and what lovely present in pink! One of these birthdays, i might get one *sigh* in red, hopefully.

    Am so jealous. I can’t wait to see what you make the very first with it :)

  • Anonymous

    Wow, what a wonderful, handsome, intelligent, etc. guy he must be! ;) JP

  • barbie2be

    stop. stop it now.

    i have been having an affair with that very mixer for almost a year now….. am i going to have to come to your house and steal it? :)

  • k

    aw..pink. so cute! :) mines plain old white. lucky you!

  • Liz Stiles

    I have the pink mixer too! That must mean we’re twins lol

  • Anonymous

    Lucky girl! And pink, at that! Happy Birthday!

  • hermz

    hehe… that’s awesome! Although, pink is nice and all, but how will you find other kitchen appliances that match? :p

  • Michelle

    The possibilities are endless from sausage. But I would make Nutella Cheesecake. Is this where I post for the mixer

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