Every girl has one. Every girl has that guy that she’s “just friends” with. You’ve known each other for I-don’t-know-how-many years, but you’ve never once been attracted to him. No really, you’ve never ever been wildly attracted to him (it is possible for girls, you know) and the idea of dating him, well, makes you lol! because you’ve always been, and always will be, “just friends.”
We’re Just Friends
below. Just scroll down.
…
Now, he’s not your best friend because, for one thing, you’re only besties with girls, and besides, he doesn’t even live in the same city, so how can you be BFFs with someone you can’t go shopping with everyday?!?! You get along just fine, and when he does come into town to visit family, or even, say, a girl who he’s dating, you and he will at least grab dinner. Whenever he’s around, you hang out, and heck, even though you’ve never been attracted to him, if you’ve been deprived of, well, you know, you might even play a little, but it’s so totally understood between both of you that this is so totally platonically physical.
It’s not like his laugh forever echoes in your ears, or his adorable crooked smile is emblazoned on your brain, or you get hot flashes in the middle of Ralph’s for God’s sake because you are always thinking about him. It’s not like you get butterflies the way you do when that guy from twitter direct messages you.
You guys are “just friends.”
JFFs. Seriously
The thing is, all your BFFs and your family adore him. They love him. They think you and he should totally get married one day and why don’t you guys just try dating? They don’t understand why you aren’t all over this amazing, charming, funny, intelligent guy, and aren’t those all the man-characteristics that you talk about on your “list?”
You don’t understand why you can see what they’re saying, but you can’t see what they’re saying, you know what I’m saying? You don’t not like him. Actually, you kind of wished that you did because, hm, now that they mention it, they’re right. He does have all the right characteristics, and you guys do get along so well, and if it actually worked out you wouldn’t have to waste all that time. You want to like him.
But you. Just. Can’t. You don’t know what it is. He’s just sort of…you don’t know. You just can’t be passionate about him. There’s something missing. That spark. That je ne sais quois. The wildly passionate chemistry is not there to take it from *shrugs* we’re-just-friends to *shriek!* clothes on the floor the minute you walk in the door.
Pumpkin pie is like that guy.
Pumpkin Pie and I Are “Just Friends”
It’s an ambiguous relationship. Perhaps “relationship” isn’t quite the right term to explain how I feel: I don’t love pumpkin pie, but I so desperately want to. I love all things pumpkin. Some of it has to do with my wicked sweet tooth falling victim to pumpkin foods most often being desserts, and some of it has to do with the warm spices that are always used with pumpkin. I love cinnamon, cloves, ginger, and nutmeg with pumpkin in breads, muffins, and pancakes. If pumpkin were usually cooked with say, cilantro, I don’t think I’d love it as much. Unlike with pumpkin, my relationship with cilantro is very clearly defined – I hate cilantro.
Now don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I hate pumpkin pie, or even to a lesser degree, that I don’t like pumpkin pie. It’s just that I don’t luuuuurrv pumpkin pie the way some people do. In fact, when it’s around, I eat it without thinking twice. I mean, for God’s sake, it’s still a pie. I’ll even eat leftover pumpkin pie that is sitting in the refrigerator because every guest who offered to “bring dessert” brought pumpkin pie instead of thinking to bring pecan or apple. I’ll peel back the plastic cling wrap from the pie dish that’s wedged between a tupperware of mashed potatoes and gallon-size ziploc bag of turkey breast, not even bothering to remove the pie from that middle shelf because I’ve sexily contorted my body so that my ass can prop open the refrigerator door while I sneak five or six bites straight from the pie dish with my fork.
Did I just reveal too much about myself there?
It drives me mildly insane trying to understand why other people go completely bonkers over pumpkin pie. It isn’t bad (have I said that a few times already? I just don’t want to get flamed by all the pumpkin pie devotees out there), it’s just that almost always, the crust looks and tastes like soggy cardboard, and the pumpkin pie filling, which can be wonderfully fragrant and flavorful with rich spices, always has the mealy, squishy consistency of Gerber. Now that I think about it, evaporated milk kind of reminds me of infant formula, too.
It’s Libby’s Fault. That B!tch.
Libby’s. I blame it all on Libby’s and the recipe for Libby’s Famous Pumpkin Pie on their can of pure pack pumpkin.
They make pumpkin pie too easy. In an effort to sell their monster cans of pumpkin pie, they give you a recipe that makes two 9” pumpkin pies, and make it sound like it’s easier than heating up a Lean Cuisine in a microwave oven. All you do is dump eggs, sugar, and evaporated milk into a bowl, mix it up, pour into unbaked pie shells, and throw them in the oven.
Somehow, I think they are subliminally telling you to buy Pillsbury pre-made pie crusts instead of making the pie crust from scratch. Libby’s famously easy pumpkin pie comes out famously soggy, famously squishy.
It’s Not You. It’s…Pie
I want to love pumpkin pie because it’s pumpkin. I want to love it because it’s a dessert. I want to adore it because it’s made with all those wonderfully warm autumn spices. I want to look forward to the prospect of pumpkin pie with eager, longing, heart-pounding anticipation as soon as the calendar flips September to October. Pumpkin pie comes around only once a year, and I want a spring and summer absence to make my heart grow fonder…but it doesn’t.
I don’t. I don’t love pumpkin pie. I don’t love you, pumpkin pie.
But we can still be friends.
We just don’t have that connection the way others who love pumpkin pie have that connection. See, I have that connection with pumpkin cheesecake. I am so head over my stiletto heels for pumpkin cheesecake. Pumpkin cheesecake is my twitter flirtationship, but pumpkin pie? Pumpkin pie is just my friend.
Something Happened on the Way to…
And then something happens. You’re running an errand, stopping off at the market, and your friend tags along just for the hell of it. While you’re standing in line and he’s rummaging through your purse looking for your club card because he knows you hate to not get that club card discount, you look at him with your head slightly tilted to the side. Did you do something with your hair? “Yeah, put some gel in it,” he replies, punching your telephone number into the keypad because the card is on the other keychain at home. Is that a new shirt? “Yeah, just got it. Cool, huh?” Very cool. And weird, because suddenly, he looks different to you, but you don’t think it’s the gel and the new shirt. He looks hot. Very hot. You snatch the celery and eggs, grab his hand, and run for the car, dragging him behind you.
That is what happened to me and my “just friend” pumpkin pie. I ran into a recipe from Cook’s Illustrated for the perfect pumpkin pie. It promises a flaky, crisp crust. It promises a smooth, delicious, and firm filling. I baked it, sort of unsure of how I’d end up feeling.
After a little more effort than the damn Libby’s-like recipes we’re used to (pre-bake the crust and cook the filling on the stovetop to hot), I slipped it gently into the oven. When it came out of the oven, slightly longer than the prescribed 25 minutes, I let it cool down. When it was time to try it, I pierced through that soft, quivering custard with an 8” chef’s knife and pulled out a perfect, enormous piece. It was heavy. I put the piece on the plate and I wanted it naked, but I surrendered to the gentle pleas for whipped cream (not the Cook’s Illustrated brandied whipped cream, just plain), and I took a bite.
After all these years, I finally fell in… like.
A very very strong like. Not love yet, since after so many years of “just friends,” these weird new emotions with someone with whom you’ve never experienced them takes more time to get used to, but yes, the spark was finally lit. I had to call Mom and tell her.
Pumpkin pie and I? There’s a little something going on between us now.
The Best Pumpkin Pie Recipe
From Cook’s Illustrated. Serves 8
“If you do not have a food processor, the pumpkin may be put through a food mill or forced through a fine sieve with the back of a wooden spoon. Alternatively, you can cook the pumpkin, sugar, and spices together before pureeing, then whir the mixture in a blender, adding enough of the cream called for in the recipe to permit the pumpkin to flow easily over the blades. In either case, heat the pumpkin with the (remaining) cream and milk, as indicated, then slowly whisk the mixture into the beaten eggs.
Flaky pastry can be successfully produced using any all-purpose flour, but a low-protein brand (such as Gold Medal) produces a more tender crust. Doughs made with low-protein flours are also easier to handle, and, perhaps most important, they are less likely to buckle and shrink out of shape during baking. If you wish to blend the fat and flour with your fingertips or with a pastry tool instead of using a machine, decrease the butter to six tablespoons and add two tablespoons of chilled vegetable shortening. The pie may be served slightly warm, chilled, or — my preference — at room temperature.”
Flaky Pie Pastry Shell Ingredients
1 ¼ cups all-purpose flour, measured by dip-and-sweep
½ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon sugar
10 tablespoons (1¼ sticks) unsalted butter, chilled and cut into ¼-inch pats
3–3½ tablespoons ice water
Spicy Pumpkin Pie Filling Ingredients
2 cups (16 ounces) plain pumpkin puree, canned or fresh
1 cup packed dark brown sugar
2 teaspoons ground ginger
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon fresh grated nutmeg
¼ teaspoon ground cloves
½ teaspoon salt
2/3 cup heavy cream
2/3 cup milk
4 large eggs
Brandied Whipped Cream Ingredients
1 1/3 cups heavy cream, cold
3 tablespoons confectioners’ sugar
1 tablespoon brandy
Best Pumpkin Pie Directions
Pie Pastry Shell Directions:
1. For pastry shell, mix flour, salt, and sugar in a food processor fitted with steel blade. Scatter butter over dry ingredients; process until mixture resembles cornmeal, 7 to 12 seconds. Turn mixture into a medium-sized bowl.
2. Drizzle 3 tablespoons of water over flour mixture. With blade side of a rubber spatula, cut mixture into little balls. Then press down on mixture with broad side of spatula so balls stick together in large clumps. If dough resists gathering, sprinkle remaining water over dry, crumbly patches and press a few more times. Form dough into a ball with your hands; wrap in plastic, then flatten into a 4-inch disk. Refrigerate for at least 30 minutes. (Can be refrigerated for 2 days or, if sealed airtight in a plastic bag, frozen for up to 6 months.)
3. Generously sprinkle a 2-foot square work area with flour. Remove dough from wrapping and place disk in center; dust top with flour. (If it has been chilled for more than 1 hour, let dough stand until it gives slightly when pressed, 5 to 10 minutes.) Roll dough in all directions, from center to edges, rotating a quarter turn and strewing flour underneath as necessary after each stroke. Flip disk over when it is 9 inches in diameter and continue to roll (but don’t rotate) in all directions, until it is 13 to 14 inches in diameter and just under 1/8-inch thick.
4. Fold dough in quarters and place the corner in the center of a Pyrex pie pan measuring 9- to 9 1/2-inches across top. Carefully unfold dough to cover pan completely, with excess dough draped over pan lip. With one hand, pick up edges of dough; use index finger of other hand to press dough around pan bottom. Use your fingertips to press dough against pan walls. Trim dough overhanging the pan to an even 1/2-inch all around.
5. Tuck overhanging dough back under itself so folded edge is flush with edge of pan lip. Press double layer of dough with your fingers to seal, then bend up at a 90-degree angle and flute by pressing thumb and index finger about 1/2-inch apart against outside edge of dough, then using index finger (or knuckle) of other hand to poke a dent through the space. Repeat procedure all the way around.
6. Refrigerate for 20 minutes (or freeze for 5 minutes) to firm dough shell. Using a table fork, prick bottom and sides — including where they meet — at 1/2-inch intervals. Flatten a 12-inch square of aluminum foil inside shell, pressing it flush against corners, sides, and over rim. Prick foil bottom in about a dozen places with a fork. Chill shell for at least 30 minutes (preferably an hour or more), to allow dough to relax.
7. Adjust an oven rack to lowest position, and heat oven to 400 degrees. (Start preparing filling when you put shell into oven.) Bake 15 minutes, pressing down on foil with mitt-protected hands to flatten any puffs. Remove foil and bake shell for 8 to 10 minutes longer, or until interior just begins to color.
Spicy Pumpkin Pie Filling Directions:
8. For filling, process first 7 ingredients in a food processor fitted with steel blade for 1 minute. Transfer pumpkin mixture to a 3-quart heavy-bottomed saucepan; bring it to a sputtering simmer over medium-high heat. Cook pumpkin, stirring constantly, until thick and shiny, about 5 minutes. As soon as pie shell comes out of oven, whisk heavy cream and milk into pumpkin and bring to a bare simmer. Process eggs in food processor until whites and yolks are mixed, about 5 seconds. With motor running, slowly pour about half of hot pumpkin mixture through feed tube. Stop machine and scrape in remaining pumpkin. Process 30 seconds longer.
9. Immediately pour warm filling into hot pie shell. (Ladle any excess filling into pie after it has baked for 5 minutes or so — by this time filling will have settled.) Bake until filling is puffed, dry-looking, and lightly cracked around edges, and center wiggles like gelatin when pie is gently shaken, about 25 minutes. Cool on a wire rack for at least 1 hour.
Brandied Whipped Cream Directions:
10. For whipped cream, beat cream at medium speed to soft peaks; gradually add confectioners’ sugar then brandy. Beat to stiff peaks. Accompany each wedge of pie with a dollop of whipped cream.
{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }
congrats to you and your site for being included in the latimes, thursday calendar section!
great site.
thank you! thank you!
i am absolutely tickled delicious!
A good piece of pumpkin pie is a wonderful thing. Where’s this one from or did you make it yourself?
hey lady! my sister and i baked pumpkin pies together the night before thanksgiving based on the recipe from cook’s illustrated (link in that last paragraph) :)
Sounds like pumpkin pie just became FWB…friends with benefits :) lol. Remember me when you are famous!!! When I get back to LA, I’ll have a 30 minute video of Carl Cox @ Love Parade SF for you to dl.
I can SO sympathize with you. On both fronts. Everyone (and their pumpkin-pie loving asses) think I’m crazy for not loving the stuff. And they also think I’m insane for not loving a certain fella. Can I help it if I don’t get hot and bothered by both? Please.
No no no…
Pumpkin pie, one of my faves, is best with a toasted graham cracker crust… But I understand the benefits of a good flakeolicious one… :)
But the gentle crunch and caramelized sweetness of a pre-toasted graham cracker crust (without too much cinnamon) is oh so excellent.
Oh.. and one time, not at band camp, I didn’t have any evaporated milk that goes in one recipe I have, so I put in condensed milk, instead. It turned out rather rich but a little sweeter, so since then, I throw a little in to make a nice accent.
djjewelz: can’t wait for the big black cox. oh dear, that doesn’t sound right, now does it? LOL!
vanessa: you gotta try pumpkin cheesecake though :)
plau: hm, i don’t think i have EVER tried it with the graham cracker crust – i’ve always thought that the grahama cracker crust for SURE would become sodden from the very liquidy pumpkin fie filling. and i have seen a few receipes with the sweetened condensed milk, too.
Yes, I too had this type of relationship with pumpkin pie. Although, it’s progressed into a heavy and quite serious one after learning a Midwest version of it – using a Winter Squash instead of Pumpkin. Mmmm…mmm…good!
And congrats on being in the LA Times! =)
The LA Times?? This calls for another slice of pumpkin pie (and doing bikram yoga overtime)! ;) Speaking of pie, what kind of camera do you use? You’re pix are impressive!
Sarah,
Can’t you think of a more interesting phrase than “for God’s sake”, you’ve used it twice in this entry and it’s really annoying….
for fox ache!
l.a.c. (spoofing Anon grumpy/meanie’s, lol)
Did you actually use the ground cloves? I’ve never heard of somebody using cloves like that. Am I missing out on something?
thanks again, y’all re: l.a. times! it was kinda cool to see the blog’s name like that! *chuckle*
cat: i use a pretty easy-to-use point and shoot camera – canon powershot s500. it was a gift last year, and it’s already outdated! the newer ones are even tinier, so it’s very convenient to carry around with me to…restaurants…and the market. LOL!
once i learn how to take really GOOD pictures, i might ask for one of the big fat fancy digital cameras :)
l.a.c: i think i use the word “delicious” a lot, too ;)
u: yep, use the cloves. it’s pretty strong, so that’s probably why it’s only a quarter teaspoon. i see cloves used quite often with pumpkin, though some people might leave it out because it really is pretty strong. :)
thanks again, y’all re: l.a. times! it was kinda cool to see the blog’s name like that! *chuckle*
cat: i use a pretty easy-to-use point and shoot camera – canon powershot s500. it was a gift last year, and it’s already outdated! the newer ones are even tinier, so it’s very convenient to carry around with me to…restaurants…and the market. LOL!
once i learn how to take really GOOD pictures, i might ask for one of the big fat fancy digital cameras :)
l.a.c: i think i use the word “delicious” a lot, too ;)
u: yep, use the cloves. it’s pretty strong, so that’s probably why it’s only a quarter teaspoon. i see cloves used quite often with pumpkin, though some people might leave it out because it really is pretty strong. :)
Your Canon s500 must have a micro option on it. I love that you can take up close detailed shots! I use an Olympus Camedia C 60 and it doesn’t allow for macro photography, so I have to crop images in photoshop. Fun, but time consuming.
Oh, I forgot to say, congratulations on becoming an aunt. I’m an uncle, and it is great fun. Significantly more fun than being a parent, I am told! :)
Woah! lacheesmonger, I’m really impressed. You’re wealth of information! Thank you for the in-depth response, I’m very excited to try these suggestions. Just when I thought I knew everything about my little friend…
Hey Sarah, much appreciation for letting me turn your comment page into my personal photography Q&A. :)
Oh.. per the soggy graham cracker crust… I found the egg yolk – prebake combo made for an excellent soggy-prevention barrier. Still had crunch
It really worked out well.. I wonder if there’s an equally efficient less caloric method.. but who cares at that point.. :)
Pumpkin pie is not about the taste at all … it’s about symbolic home-ness. My anecdotal evidence: on Thanksgiving, while a first year graduate student in LA, transplanted from NJ, I was feeling particularly sorry for myself, being far from home and loved ones, and bought myself a pumpkin pie from Ralph’s and a tub of cool whip. Several hours and several thousand calories later (yes, I consumed the whole durn thing), I felt MUCH better. !!!
You probably won’t be surprised to hear that my mom’s pumpkin pie is the only kind I actually enjoy. Like you, I find most of them *eh*.
Hermz: I bet your Mom’s pumpkin pie is the only one I’d enjoy, too (except for this one).
Bring me some baklava!
Wow. I didn’t go on a 2nd date with a girl because she hated cilantro. I think I have to drop you from my list of celebrity crushes. I’ll still read your blog though.
I have to admit that I stopped reading after the “I hate cilantro” part – but came back and read the rest just now, and I must say, it was an awesome post. Exactly why I like reading you.
Kevin: I understand on the cilantro . I had to think twice about dating a guy who didn’t eat sushi.
And glad you came back ;)
I really enjoyed reading your entry, and it inspired me to try baking this pie…
I guess I did something wrong, because after baking the pie for 25 mins and letting it cool for more than an hour, the center of my pie was still liquidy and hadn’t set at all!
Nevertheless, I think I’ll try it again and thanks so much for sharing the recipe!