11755 Wilshire Boulevard (just west of Barrington Ave)
Los Angeles, CA 90025
If you are a food blogger, you may possibly know what I am talking about. Anything is possible, as my Daddy always said.
If you are a food blogger who posts about dining out and restaurant experiences a majority of the time, you most probably know what I am talking about. Daddy also said if there is a 50% or more chance, then it’s probable.
You decide to go some place for dinner because you know you would never blog about that place.
Why? Why would you do that?!?!
Because right now, you have a backlog of over 25 restaurants that are awaiting their Delicious debut, and about 25 restaurants that have already been blogged for the first time, but deserve a second witty, captivating, food pornographic review, but you’re tired of cropping and re-sizing photos and uploading them via Hello which craps out whenever it damn well free-software pleases, and come to think of it, you’re sort of sapped of all your creative writing ability (that is, if you had any ability to begin with) because how many different and clever ways can you say that the “sushi was sublime/melt-in-your-mouth/unctous,” and you don’t want to add yet another restaurant to this imaginary “to-blog” list that you treat as if they had deadlines, creating more stress in your life as if blogging were a real job that pays even less than your hm, real job. You force yourself to leave your camera at home when you go to this never-to-be-blogged restaurant so that you won’t even be tempted to take pictures of food, because if you do take pictures, you know you will want to blog about it otherwise you will feel like you wasted disk space on your flash card to begin with.
Or maybe I’m the only freaky weird obsessive food blogger.
Yes! You do it, too! I know you do!
So you don’t take your camera, or if you’re really that attached (you weirdo), you take the camera, but leave the battery at home just to ease the withdrawal symptoms, and you go somewhere that, even though it’s the first time, you promisepromisepromise yourself and your friend that you won’t blog about it because if you plan to blog about it, even without your camera, you know will not pay attention to the dinner conversation, instead observing and mentally recording every single detail about the parking, signange, atmosphere, seating, service, menu and food to the point that it might be sort of embarrassing to your friend who will look like an uninteresting loser.
Oh god. But but but but. But.
BUT YOU FUCKING BLOG ABOUT THAI BAMBOO ANYWAY!
You blog about it anyway because if you don’t, there will always be that tiny little nagging hole in your dining history and every time you drive by it, which will be often because it’s right there on Wilshire Boulevard at the base of an office building sandwiched between a Hong Kong Custom-Fit suit maker and some crazy martial arts studio that make you wonder what their “real” business is, you will remember that you ate there but never blogged about it, and you will feel incomplete because your mission when you started was to blog about all your dining adventures.
And even though you don’t have a picture because remember? you purposely left your camera at home so you wouldn’t have even gotten to this point of sitting down with “Blogger” pulled up on your laptop screen, you will do one of two totally unnecessary things because you refuse to post to your blog without an accompanying image because screw Sprite, image is everything.
Either you will 1) recycle an old photo from a different restaurant that serves the same type of food so you can give the reader the general idea of what kind of food it was even though it has nothing to do with Thai Bamboo, and you may as well have picked up an image with “Thai+food” tag at flickr; or 2) you will draw a picture of you and your friend in the strange Miami Vice/fake bamboo decor of Thai Bamboo, yourself very unhappily eating the very poorly-executed dishes of a cuisine that you don’t love in the first place, making it that much harder for you to learn to love Thai food. The other figure in the picture has a smiley face just because he was sort of indifferent to the bland tom yum kai soup and sticky sweet, gooey with cornstarch, this-could-be-Panda-Express-if-Panda-Express-were-Thai noodle stirfry. But you don’t know how to draw “indifferent” in stickfigurean. You do both, because you know you aren’t going to go back there to eat and take a picture even though the food is pretty cheap. You’re not that desperate for a photo opp.
Oh God. Oh my God. I have a problem. I’m sorry. Someone please help me. Send a therapist. No, send a Chippendales dancer dressed as a doctor. Bearing prescription mini cupcakes. I think that might help.
** a year ago today, i didn’t post. i must have been sick or something. weird. **