Vanilla Ice Cream and Cuisinart ICE 30BC – A Flavor Only a Blogger Could Love

homemade vanilla ice cream
I’ve always understood the meaning of the phrase, “A face only a mother could love.” It refers to a face that is so unappealing that no one could actually love and appreciate its “beauty” except for the woman who had suffered through nine months of fermenting said face in her womb and had spent 20-plus hours in excruciatingly painful labor expelling the hideous monstrosity out of her body. She is the only one who could love the frankenface to whom she gave birth because, well, she has to, right?

My brain registers the meaning of the phrase. However, I’ve always had a bit of a two-part problem with the saying. I couldn’t grasp the its derivation because I could not believe that this concept could be possible — not that someone could be that ugly (because Honey, I have seen people who are that ugly), but that someone could be that ugly and his mother wouldn’t notice. Really? If a child is just unequivocally ugly, his appearance universally accepted as unattractive, would his mother ignore scarring, discoloration, repulsive disfigurement and/or strange genetic facial features like oversized fiveheads and really find her child…beautiful? And I don’t mean “beautiful on the inside” — because yes, everyone is “beautiful on the inside.” I mean beautiful on the outside. Physical appearance. Skin-deep. Totally shallow and wholly superficial. A mother could look down into the crib, gaze upon her freakdemonfaced child and honestly say that he’s cute?

Please. If someone is just horribly unattractive, he’s just horribly unattractive and I don’t care how Theresa of a mother you are, you can’t — pardon the double non-positive — not see that.

Which brings me to the second part of my two-part problem with the phrase that makes sense, but doesn’t. Despite my solid reasoning that there is no possible way that a mother could realistically ignore The Ugly in her child, real-life examples have proven the opposite conclusion (which might indicate that I’m wrong, but I’m never wrong). Now, I don’t mean to hate on peoples’ ugly children, but some of the babies are just not cute. Yet, their parents must not see it. Their parents think they are adorable. Why else would parents dress their baby in cute clothes, as if a frilly little onesie is going to make the little monster look…cute? Why else would the parents take an entire camera battery’s worth of digital photos of their weird-looking baby and send all 94 of those uncropped, un-resized jpgs in a single email to their entire address book? Better yet, they throw those images up on Flickr with a public setting. That means they think their baby is cute enough for the entire interweb to see. How do the parents of an indisputably ugly child do that?

The babies coo. They laugh. They smile. Hey, they have great little baby personalities, but you know what they say about “a great personality?”

You guessed it.

It comes with a face only a mother could love.

I was back where I started. I just didn’t get it.
cuisinart ice bc30 ice cream maker
Until I realized that I was focusing on the wrong thing. In fact, I had completely missed the point. It’s not a question of whether your baby is cute or ugly. It’s not a question of whether you think your baby is cute or ugly. It’s not a question of whether your ice cream is interesting or vanilla. The whole point is that it’s your baby and that’s why you love it. You love it because you made it. Even if you used to turn up your nose at such a pedestrian flavor that you wondered how it could be called “flavor,” even if it tastes worse than the cheapest generic store brand that comes in a plastic tub with a handle, even if every other food blogger out there worth her weight in heavy cream ridicules the vanilla result of your virginal wedding night with your very first ice cream maker, you love your vanilla ice cream.

I love my vanilla ice cream.

That’s why I took about 95 pictures of its ugly little mess.
churning and freezing vanilla ice cream

Vanilla Ice Cream Only a Blogger Could Love

This is the recipe from the small booklet that came with the Cuisinart ICE BC30 Pure Indulgence Ice Cream Maker I received as a birthday gift. It’s nothing special. The recipe, that is. The ice cream I *made* was totally special.

Stir 1 c. sugar with 1½ c. whole milk until the sugar dissolves. Add 3 c. heavy cream and 1½ Tbsp. pure vanilla extract.

Spin the mixture for 20-25 minutes in the ice cream maker. Transfer to an airtight, freezer-safe container and let harden for at least an hour. Of course, instructions for freezing vary from manufacturer to manufacturer.

** a year ago today, at acapulco, use your illusion **
** a year ago today, this local yokel drank savvy non blank **

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  • FashionKitty

    This has to be the greatest post you have ever written. Hands down. Oh and down with ugly babies and their “great personalities” like that is going to get them the good swing on the playground.

  • Anonymous

    Geezus you are one wordy bitch. Took you how many paragraphs to get to the point about vanilla ice cream?

  • Peter

    I’ve never made my own ice cream (well, maybe once years and years ago, when you needed salt, a strong arm, and something approaching an antediluvian perspective on quality time). But, I just returned from Spain, where I learned, much to my shame, that the Spanish may make better gelato than the Italians. Glad to see you’re a step ahead in the iced cream and sugar department. And your lead picture? Awesome.

  • H. C.

    Takeaway for life: eat ugly babies? ;) A la mode of course…

  • Anali

    Great post! I started making ice cream this summer and loved it -even though it was kind of melty looking at first. I bet after you froze it overnight, it was much objectively cuter the next day! ; )

  • sarah

    kitty: i knew you’d like this one :)

    anonymous: i believe it took me eight, if you count each of those last few sentences on a new line as separate paragraphs, which is quite an accomplishment for me. normally, it takes me a good 10 to 12 paragraphs before i even get to the intro of the topic.

    peter: remember elementary school? rolling a Folger’s coffee can back and forth across the classroom floor?

    hc: so glad the lesson came through! :)

    anali: isn’t it addicting? going to get through the classics, then attack summer fruits, and can’t wait for fall flavors! pumpkin ice cream…

  • Kieran

    Great post! As long as it tastes good, what’s not to love?

    If you’re looking for recipes, I’m hosting an ice cream party that might help get you going!

  • Hillary

    I hated this post until the very end. I scoffed at your shallowness and almost stopped reading but I gave you the benefit of the doubt that you may have had a point. You did, but I could have told you that at the outset: you would love your own “ugly” baby too.

    And for the record, I LOVE vanilla ice cream :)

  • Peter

    Whoa! A folgers can? That is < small case > awesome. I never did that, but I’ve got some great visuals nonetheless. Alas, I may have a weekend project…I wonder what google has on this….

    Alright…for those of you interested in the Folgers technique of ice cream makery: http://www.makeicecream.com/makicecreami1.html

  • Wuttisak

    Nice site you got here !
    Be sure to check out my blog about Orchid Care Tips!

  • Paul

    I have been looking for a good ice cream maker. Are you happy with this one?

  • hermz

    Where’s peachie, to make some comment about how you both like ’em vanilla…?

  • debbie

    Do you happen to have the strawberry ice cream recipe in the manual as well to share. I lost my recipe book.

  • norma

    I just love your take on the baby. I have seen many that were not as cute as the parents thought they were, but you are first one to put it all in words. It was so funny, and I am going to read it to my husband when he gets home, he will love it.

  • helyfell

    snow ice machine
    I was
    pinning away for such type of blogs, thanks for posting this for us.

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