When Your Mid-Life Crisis Comes Early

mid-life crisis - shopping spree
** The list at the bottom of the post will be continually updated as I become more and more famous. Oh yes, I may never get rich as a blogger, but dammit! I will be famous! **

Lately I have been experiencing a weird mid-life crisis. I can’t really call it a mid-life crisis, unless I plan to keel over at the age of 50. Don’t do the math. Division is too hard! Don’t do it!

Fine. So I’m not really 25 years old. *sigh* Which is exactly the point, isn’t it?!?!

But this isn’t really a mid-life crisis, because really, I plan to live long past 65, even if I am still in this same apartment, puttering about with four cats to which I am allergic.

The point of the matter is, I am having my mid-life crisis a little bit early. And what do we do when your mid-life crisis comes a little early?

blow out
blow and roll

…you spend $140 on a blow out. Or blow. Or something else with the word “blow” in it that only applies to men. Yes! $140 on a power Craftsman leaf-blower at Sears, Ty Pennington.

…you go to Forever 21 because H&M isn’t open yet, and blow another $260, which gets you a lot because the most expensive thing at Forever 21 is an evening dress for $49.99 which you didn’t buy because you’re 15 years past the Prom, Queen, and technically you couldn’t really wear any of the the stuff you just bought because the store is called Forever 21 for a reason and we are talking about a mid-life crisis.

…you go to that place, yes that place, and shamelessly ask the over make-upped Matrix-clad salespeople to give you as many samples of wrinkle cream that they can legally pump into those tiny label-less pots before they have to charge you the full $125 for the actual 1 fl. oz. bottle.

…you rent a Porsche because you do have some sense, and wouldn’t actually buy a Porsche. You just rent it to get that Hasselhoff-like feeling for a few days. Besides, you used your airline points. (Yes, the girl who does not fly has airline points which will never be used for airline tickets because I don’t fly so I have to use them on the ground.)

Crap. The Porsche is for guys anyway.

vote for delicious
vote for delicious

…you go back through all your archives and re-read the posts when you were young and fresh and collect all the posts wherein you backhandedly bragged to no one about being mentioned in a newspaper, another blog, and felt a teeny tiny bit good about yourself. It’s a teeny tiny bit of affirmation.

I need to do this. It’s like my Porsche. But far less expensive and not nearly as stupid. It is just as stupid.

This is Why I’m (Not) Hot in Audrey Magazine‘s “To Be Seen” (May 2007)

Delicious “Comes Out” in KoreAm Journal‘s “My Life is an Open Blog “(May 2007)

I’m an “expert” on foodie hotels at Forbes (May 2007)

LA Times Says Delicious is Bucking Frilliant! (January 2007)

That’s What She Said…The Times, UK (August 2006)

I’m Good Enough, I’m Smart Enough, and Doggone It, Epicurious Likes Me! (March 2006)

With Me It Will Be Delicious All Year Long – 2005 Food Blogging Awards (January 2006)

Skip, Skip, Skip to My Lou…Gridskipper’s Urban Blogging Awards (Dec 2005)

I am Pickled Tink! Delicious in the LA Times (Dec 2005)

Of course, my head will never get that big, since I know my place as a cheese sandwich. (March 2006)

** a year ago today, i went on my first blind blog date and got her in touch with her korean side **

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  • santos.

    erm, i don’t think it’s a mid-life thing….

  • Daily Gluttony

    this reminds me of “daily affirmations by stuart smalley”: because i’m good enough, i’m smart enough and doggonnit, people like me!

    crisis, shmisis–you ARE young & fresh.

    and giiiirl, the h&m in pasadena IS open.

  • Daily Gluttony

    this reminds me of “daily affirmations by stuart smalley”: because i’m good enough, i’m smart enough and doggonnit, people like me!

    crisis, shmisis–you ARE young & fresh.

    and giiiirl, the h&m in pasadena IS open.

  • Anonymous

    Jeezus.

    You really ARE full of yourself.

  • Rhea

    Midlife crises can come at any age! I had one at age 27.

  • Rhea

    Midlife crises can come at any age! I had one at age 27.

  • Neil

    Oh, you’re not really having a mid-life crisis. You still have plenty of “pointless cheese-sandwich meanderings” left in you.

  • onetomato

    the thing is i never want to be 21 again. young, dumb and full of *cough*…but still. 26. i’d love to be 26 forever. maybe even 28. hee hee. look at it this way, at least you’re having it now when you’re still young (thank god you’re asian) and beautiful!

  • KT

    Ha ha! I don’t call it a normal year unless I have had a mid-life crisis at some point during it.

    Of course, I only have about $20 to spend on my mid-life crises, so it usually involves more drinking and less shopping.

  • sarah

    santos: oh santos, i think you’re just too young to understand what i’m talking about ;)

    daily gluttony: you’re right, but you said it. PASADENA. i will wait for the one in…the beverly center. until then, it’s four-year-old juicy velour jumpsuits. LOL!

    anonymous: wait, you’re JUST NOW figuring that out? sheesh. where have you been?

    l.a.c.: fred segal is for suckers.

    rhea: true. in fact, i think they should be called mid-day crises. i have one every day. right around noon. when i wake up.

    neil: oh, you’re so right! thank you! and to think i was tapped out of pointless!

    onetomato: full of…rum? yeah, when imatured, i moved onto vodka ;)

    kt: oooh, but just think what kind of sexy damage you could do if you saved all your mid-life crises for a year!

  • Me Again

    Bravo another nasty hit!

  • Me Again

    keep blowing and you will be famous, right? Because that is what you really want…to be famous? Pffffff!

  • http://thepussycatbitch.wordpress.com/ ThePussyCatBitch

    Omg, i feel your pain. I’m going through the same thing…

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_BOPH5GPH3GDGHYXO5V7BGHIHMA Anna

    Yup. They can come early. I wish more people had them earlier, the world would be a more purposeful place. I’ve been having a “midlife crisis” for over a year now. And I’m 23.

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