Lately I have been experiencing a weird mid-life crisis. I can’t really call it a mid-life crisis, unless I plan to keel over at the age of 50. Don’t do the math. Division is too hard! Don’t do it!
Fine. So I’m not really 25 years old. *sigh* Which is exactly the point, isn’t it?!?!
But this isn’t really a mid-life crisis, because really, I plan to live long past 65, even if I am still in this same apartment, puttering about with four cats to which I am allergic.
The point of the matter is, I am having my mid-life crisis a little bit early. And what do we do when your mid-life crisis comes a little early?
…you go to Forever 21 because H&M isn’t open yet, and blow another $260, which gets you a lot because the most expensive thing at Forever 21 is an evening dress for $49.99 which you didn’t buy because you’re 15 years past the Prom, Queen, and technically you couldn’t really wear any of the the stuff you just bought because the store is called Forever 21 for a reason and we are talking about a mid-life crisis.
…you go to that place, yes that place, and shamelessly ask the over make-upped Matrix-clad salespeople to give you as many samples of wrinkle cream that they can legally pump into those tiny label-less pots before they have to charge you the full $125 for the actual 1 fl. oz. bottle.
…you rent a Porsche because you do have some sense, and wouldn’t actually buy a Porsche. You just rent it to get that Hasselhoff-like feeling for a few days. Besides, you used your airline points. (Yes, the girl who does not fly has airline points which will never be used for airline tickets because I don’t fly so I have to use them on the ground.)
Crap. The Porsche is for guys anyway.
…you go back through all your archives and re-read the posts when you were young and fresh and collect all the posts wherein you backhandedly bragged to no one about being mentioned in a newspaper, another blog, and felt a teeny tiny bit good about yourself. It’s a teeny tiny bit of affirmation.
I need to do this. It’s like my Porsche. But far less expensive and not nearly as stupid. It is just as stupid.
I’m an “expert” on foodie hotels at Forbes (May 2007)
LA Times Says Delicious is Bucking Frilliant! (January 2007)
That’s What She Said…The Times, UK (August 2006)
I am Pickled Tink! Delicious in the LA Times (Dec 2005)
Of course, my head will never get that big, since I know my place as a cheese sandwich. (March 2006)