There’s no denying that I have a massive sweet tooth. Enamel-eroding candy and chocolate, cookies, sticky gooey cakes and pies, oozing with melted ice cream, caramel and fudge – they have sent me into root canal therapy more than once; even more than once on the same tooth.
However, when it comes to cocktails, I am not so fond of “sweet.” I love the idea of thick, creamy, delicious drinks as sweet as dessert, but when I actually drink one, it triggers my *gag* reflex the way roast beef and Rice Krispies treats send me into childhood pukedom. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that sweet drinks are always to blame for the most miserable mornings-after. I think there might be some science behind sugar-laced cocktails having rougher consequences than say, my drink of choice, Absolut Citron and soda (not sugary cola soda, but club soda). But don’t quote me on that.
I do make exception every once in a while, though, and the occasion for exception arose with the Almond Joy Martini, perfect for this month of evil delicious candy, don’t you think?
Almond Joy. Oh, the Almond Joy candy bar. The Almond Joy, while it certainly brings to mind right away that I almost always feel like a nut, also brings me back to the Special Dark Effect. In case you just joined us in our Delicious little cocktail hour, the Special Dark Effect is a phenomenon in which the clear bag of Hershey’s Miniatures always ends up with nothing but Special Dark left because no one likes Special Dark, except the special few who actually have taste but are too cheap to buy Valrhona so will settle for Special Dark until they get a job or land a Sugar Daddy. Literally. And figuratively. And literally.
Now I present the Almond Joy Addendum to the Special Dark Effect. If we forget about Hershey’s Miniatures and look instead to a Costco-sized Fun-Pack Mix of Hershey’s chocolates specially combined for Halloween that contains, alphabetically now because I will show no preference for the moment, Almond Joy, Butterfinger, Hershey’s Milk Chocolate, KitKat, and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, what do you think is the last candy bar left?
Yes! Butterfinger! At the very bottom of the almost empty bag, there will be a collection of putrid mustard yellow and blue Buttefingers because Butterfinger is quite possibly the most disgusting candy bar on earth.
But we are talking about the Almond Joy Addendum, so the second to last is Almond Joy. The jingle rings automatically in your head, doesn’t it, that sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t, but let’s face it, most people feel like a Snickers, sometimes a Milky Way. Almond Joy and Mounds are those non-specialty specialty chocolate candy bars that are made for people who like the taste of gooey shreds of paper, sometimes topped with an oddly chewy, rubbery almond.
I am one of those people.
That is why I drank an Almond Joy Martini. Because I am one of the special (dark) few.
And I still had a wicked headache in the morning.
Almond Joy Martini Recipe
Serves 4. Or 2. Ok, come on. It serves 1 when your name is Sarah J Gim on a Friday night at home.
1 oz. coconut flavored rum
1 oz. Frangelico (or hazelnut flavored liqueur)
1 oz. Godiva chocolate liqueur
1 oz. vodka
1 oz. Hershey’s chocolate syrup
4 oz. half & half
Shake 1 oz. each of coconut-flavored rum (Parrot Bay or Malibu), Frangelico (if you don’t feel like a nut, leave the Frangelico out), Godiva (or other chocolate-flavored liqueur), Hershey’s chocolate syrup, and vodka. Add 4 oz. of half and half or light cream, shake with ice, then strain into a chilled glass.
The real recipe says to garnish with shredded coconut, which would look very cool on the rim (rub rim of glass with rum, then dip into shredded coconut), but have you ever eaten straight, “raw” shredded coconut?!?! It tastes like coconut-flavored uncooked instant ramen.
Instead, garnish with a swirl of Hershey’s chocolate syrup on top.
** originally published October 2006 **
** a year ago today, i made spinach and mushroom curry over a tofu cutlet. fancy. **