Breakfast in Bed is a Bad Idea – Pumpkin Scones

pumpkin cranberry scones
Who invented “breakfast in bed?” Who? I want to know which genius thought it would be absolutely brilliantly sweetly romantic to bring breakfast to your lover in bed, possibly splashing coffee all over the white silk sheets, permanently staining the pillowcases with bacon grease, and leaving a trail of muffin crumbs where, really now, no muffin crumbs should ever go? Who?

Breakfast in bed is a very bad idea. Why don’t we have lunch in bed? Or dinner in bed? Because those are stupid, that’s why. On your anniversary, your lover doesn’t insist you jump between the sheets at noon so that he or she can bring you an egg salad sandwich in bed. When you and your lover want to share a cozy, intimate dinner, you don’t slip into your jammies at 7:30 PM and share a bowl of chicken pesto pasta in bed. Good gracious, I don’t even want to think about kimchee jji-gae in bed. (If you’re naked, hey, that’s not for this blog). Lunch in bed and dinner in bed both sound ridiculous because it’s messy, awkward, potentially dangerous (oops! I dropped the knife…under the pillow), and no one wants to wake up with egg yolks smashed into her hair. What makes us think breakfast in bed is any better?

It’s not better. It’s worse. Breakfast in bed supposed to be romantic. But I dont have to tell you that there is nothing romantic about groggy, froggy voice, sleep in your eyes, morning breath, glasses with lenses as thick Coke bottles, in sweats that are so old and tattered your alma mater’s name is hardly recognizable. Your high school alma mater? Whoa, time for new sweats, princess.

Wait…you actually wake up with your hair smooth and silky, fully flossy glossy make-up, in a negligee (or silk boxers for the guys – but if you’re wering a negligee, hey, again, that’s a different blog)? If you look that good, that means you probably didn’t have that much fun the night before, so you’re not getting breakfast in bed anyway. Besides, last time I checked, even a gorgeous diva like Jessica Simpson looks like absolute hell in the morning (after).

Breakfast in bed is not romantic because you have dragon breath, and when you have dragon breath, pancakes taste no different than your flannel sheets, except that flannel doesn’t drip maple syrup all over yourself. Oh, but what about thick, fluffy buttermilk pancakes, hmmm? Right. I meant pancakes taste like your down comforter. So, maybe you get up and brush your teeth first. Now you’re up. Why would you get back into bed? If you’re already out of bed, save yourself the laundry money and eat your French toast in the sunny breakfast nook that tacked an additional $200 to your rent each month.

pumpkin cranberry scones
kicked out of bed for eating scones

The only breakfast I would ever consider eating in bed is…nothing. Nothing! I don’t want breakfast in bed. Ever. Especially not scones, because those things crumble under the slightest pressure faster than the kickers on both teams in the Orange Bowl. Oops! Did I say that? Sure made for an exciting game, though.

So apparently I don’t love scones because they’re crumbly, and I don’t love breakfast in bed even less. Whoa, grammar monkey, don’t think so hard. Basically, I don’t like either, but that sure didn’t stop me from baking pumpkin scones with dried cranberries, eating them in bed, watching the Golden Globes. :)

Wait a second here, Eater of Breakfast-in-bed! Don’t I suck at baking? Yes, yes I do, which is why this pumpkin cranberry scone tasted less like a dry, crumbly scone and more like an overgrown triangular muffin-top. The scone’s muffin-ness is probably why I didn’t end up with scone crumbs in my bed, only a wayward dried cranberry here and there. Next time – dried cranberries go in the scone, not on the scone.

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  • swati

    dear sarah,
    romans dined in/on a-sort-of-bed.
    breakfast in bed should be served by a propah butler, not a damn crumb littering amatuer. english idea of brekfast in bed originated ‘cos eng cooking so horrid that it tastes better with ‘dragon’s breath’

  • Anonymous

    My, aren’t you the bitter one?

    I can’t imagine someone wanting to make breakfast in bed for someone as nasty as you!

  • MagicTofu

    I have to agree with you Sarah, bed sheets make terrible table cloth. A glass of water on the bedside table on the other hand can be quite useful but I guess that is for a different kind of blog too.

  • sarah

    swati: funny! and you’re right, i suppose if it were served by a really HOT butler, i wouldn’t mind as much. LOL!

    anonymous: totally bitter. :)

    magictofu: cute handle! but sometimes, i have used bed sheets as tablecloths, lol!

  • Craig

    Sarah:
    lol first thing i thought about was kimjee-jiigae in beg, sounds very dangerous and potentially illegal in certain southern states…i do offer my baking knowledge/skills to the delicious life if she ever wants to improve her one (lol) suckiness area.

  • Craig

    freudian slip, yes i will beg for kimjee-jigae… :)

  • sarah

    oh, no, craig, no. i am sucky in many things. baking is only the tip of the lettuce ;)

  • Ivonne

    While breakfast in bed my have its downside, those scones do not.

    Delicious! thanks for sharing and the photos are incredible also!!!

  • Russkar

    The Scones look Great if your at a MOMMY and ME cooking class.
    But considering these are your Silk Sheets I was thinking more like a little creamy(think food) Uni Flan w/cream fresh in an Egg Shell covered in a dollop of Caviar, no mess? Klutz’s excluded.
    The Breakfast for those who wish to re-live last night?

  • Emma

    Hi Sarah,
    I have to say that I totally agree with you – breakfast in bed is not the best choice for either breakfast or bed!
    Emma

  • hermz

    But what about drinks in bed, at Bed? ^__^

  • sarah

    drinks in bed are ALWAYS welcome. :)

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