French Women Don’t Get Fat, but All Women are Stupid

french women don't get fat by mireille guiliano
A girl parks her car on the street then starts walking toward her house. She passes near one of the bazillion condo conversions that are occurring on her street because suddenly the real estate market totally needs more housing! It is basically a construction site. One of the dirty, grimy guys in a hard hat leers at her and shouts “Hey, pretty girl! Hey! ”

She looks the other way with utter disdain and thinks to herself, “Men are such pigs.” *hmph*

A few days later, the same girl parks her car on the street then starts walking toward her house. She passes another semi-construction site, her perfectly pedicured toes peeping out from under her jeans with every forward step. There are lots of dirty, grimy guys in hard hats, but not a single one of them says a thing as she sashays past them.

She picks up her pace, her brow ever-so-slightly furrowing. She is looking down at herself, wondering, confused. “Ohmigod! Did I gain weight?” She looks up, wild-eyed at the self-realization. “Am I fat? Ohmigod! I am fat! I shouldn’t have eaten that burger last night! F**k! I have to go to the gym right now.” She looks over her shoulder and screams “Pigs!!!” to a group of confused, shrugging construction workers. Then she runs home, her stupid stiletto heels clack-clack-clacking on the sidewalk – the heels she wore because she thought they made her legs look thinner. She immediately changes into her fat clothes and cries herself to sleep while reading Chapter 3 of French Women Don’t Get Fat.

Women are so stupid.

The above scenarios may or may not have happened, and whom that “girl” is will remain a mystery to everyone, especially since “she” happens to be actually happy with the double-wide spreading state of her ass that requires a small red flag to be attached to it as a warning, and is not bothered at all by her loss of waistline wholly due to over-indulgence in “diet” ice cream sandwiches, okay?!?!?! But if the above scenarios didn’t happen yesterday or today, it will happen.

I have a complex right now because in the last month, several things have happened that have made me unusually aware of fat. The simple image in the mirror notwithstanding, two copies of “diet” books have made their ways onto my nightstands, without my necessarily seeking them out. Is this a sign? It is! Someone is very gently trying to let me know that, maybe, just maybe, I should eat a salad tomorrow for lunch! *sigh*

I just finished reading French Women Don’t Get Fat. The book is a good, fast, and somewhat entertaining read, but there was nothing in the book that was earth-shattering. As I turned each page of this hybrid memoir-slash-cookbook, I had to wonder why Mireille Guiliano’s words were such a huge hit, because it was all common sense. Drink water. Eat yogurt. Don’t eat too much. Walk. These are very basic, well-known principles. Clearly, someone just needed to put them in one place and have Oprah put her smack of million dollar approval on it.

Unfortunately, no matter how much makeup I put on to counteract my Mongolian eyelids, I will always be Asian. Screw yogurt.

eat
i am a grain metabolizer

Eat Right for Your Metabolism is much more like a textbook. I have not yet finished it, but so far, there is a lot of end-noting with references to other books, research, etc. It sounds very official and scientific, but again, it comes down to common sense. Basically, there are two types of metbolisms: meat or grains. If you are physiologically a meat-eater, then you need to stick with a diet that has a higher proportion of animal proteins. If you are physiologically a grain-eater, then you need to eat grains. When you eat the right diet, your body can properly metabolize the foods you eat. The book has some suggested “menus” as well as recipes. You just have to figure out which one you are, and much of it has to do with your heritage.

I am a grain-eater.

Which in no way explains why I am getting fatter because doughnuts are made from flour, and flour comes from wheat, and last I checked, wheat is a G*dd**n grain!

*sigh* Back to the treadmill.

** a year ago today, i came face to face with a screaming smelt at terried sake house **

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· May 19, 2006 · 14 comments

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  • Billie Wonder

    not all women r stupids.. just some.. hehe =P

  • Anonymous

    How long have you been unemployed now?

    Uncle Anon

  • sarah

    billie wonder: ok, you are very correct. not all women are stupid. just the ones who blogs about food ;)

    uncle anonymous: not long enough!

  • Catherine

    I just put my bikini on, and much like my jeans, it feels unseasonably “snug.” It’s about 10 pm and I’m eating a Clif bar. Not because I just swam 10 Olympic laps – heck, I didn’t do as much as wiggle my toes in the pool – but because chocolate chips are present in the bar that alone is enough to justify eating all 250 calories of it a few hours after having a ravioli dinner. You think you’re fat? lol

    :p

  • Stephanie

    Sarah, I’ve decided that 1. If I were a man, B. I were single, and 3. I lived closer to you, I would totally marry you.

    You may be the funniest person I’ve ever not met.

    I

  • Lei

    Hi Sarah, if you’re looking to add a few more books to your bedside repertoire, check out ‘Dr Ali’s Nutrition Bible’ and ‘Superfoods Rx; Fourteen Foods that will change your life’. Again, a lot of common sense, but some interesting new research as well.

  • sarah

    cat: but you are totally getting some good vitamins and minerals with a clif bar! good job!

    stephanie: aw…*blush* thanks! i wish you were living closer too! then we can have real block parties!!

    lei: thanks! i’d actually be interested in finding out what those 14 superfoods are! salmon, blueberries, broccoli, garlic…

  • Anonymous

    Wah wah. Is that all you ever do? Complain about being fat? How annoying.

    Why don’t you actually try doing something about it instead of just whining?

  • dorkie

    woman… i’ve learned that as we cross over the 30 year old threshold, it’s good to have a few poundage on us… adds to the curves… men like that! trust me! well… not TOO many curves.

    By the way, have you ever looked at really skinny asian women in their 40s? my mom pointed that out. when they’re too skinny, they look OLD!!!

    just giving you another perspective.. :-) quit worrying!

  • KT

    I wish I were a grain eater, that’s pretty much all I eat. Grains. Well, and cheese. I suspect based on my super-Euro heritage though, that I am a meat-eater.

    I don’t understand why I was clearly constructed to love everything that is a form of bread and cheese and yet, these are the very foods that put that extra cushion around the middle section of me.

    Not fair!

    I think the cocktails don’t help, either. Double not fair!

  • Bandini

    rollerblade with us to redondo beach. It works off the blog lbs.

  • peachiee

    I agree with Dorkie. After 30 the metabolism changes and so do the hormones. I’ve noticed more curves myself and I kinda like the fact I have them without the pain of popping out a few kids!

  • lacheesemonger

    ah hah, we finally see those ‘coke bottle’ thick glasses Sarah claims she has. I’ll guess the correction to be about the same as mine in the -10 range, certainly not as thick as my mother’s -14. Trick is to keep the lens size as small as possible (but then you have very limited peripheral vision), with very high index lens. Glass is even better, but much more expensive in the highest index. Used to be you could get very thin, high index Carl Zeiss spec’d lens in the USA, but the FDA deemed the shatter propensity too risky. Now you can only order from Canadian services @$650 per set of lens, add in frame and you’re looking at nearly a grand for glasses, that you know Sarah will do like me, and fall asleep and bend the temples so many times until they break requiring a new frame because the friggin designers change models every friggin season. /end rant pt1 of many ;).

    Actually, there are plenty of thin Asian women in their 40′s that look hot (well, a bit ‘softer/saggier’ ;) ). Umm, Sarah’s favorite Sung-Hi Lee is already 37, eeks; and what ‘over 30 curves, little 5’2″ (158cm) has! But being how I hate hot summer months, one can always dream of licking ice cream bars like the one Sung-Hi is ‘blog’ ;)

    Naw, Sarah’s just in a funky mood these days, you know you’ve really hit the bottom of low self-esteem when you think about what construction workers are focusing on. Just got to do like me Sarah, suck it in (non-flash wmv file version loads a little faster with dialup(yeah, men like curves alright, just not ‘those’ kind of curves…which is what Sarah’s moaning about in self-loathing). What I really hate is when you suck it in, can barely squeeze into your old jeans you just bought last year, for fox ache!, and then you try to squeeze your wallet into a pocket, and then slip your cell phone in the other…and they both won’t fit, one or the other, argggh.

    Of course we know know the insidious, pervasive influence of American pop-culture is ruining the entire world, correct? (heck, look how many issues Sarah has just because of the media machine making her fell inadequate in her Asianess :( ).

    Why does Sarah need any makeup to hide her Mongolianess? Michelle Kwan has a big flat nose too, you know.

    French women don’t get fat, or do they? In recent years the trends are changing (since the publication of that book), with childhood obesity on the rise in France, Micky D’s so popular (like just about everywhere in the world), in another decade of American junk food addiction, the French could catch up to America obesity stats!

    Child obesity is not limited to the United States. A recent report has revealed alarming figures for Europe. France is very much affected by this epidemic…

    Besides, I think I got the impression that Sarah was neither grain, nor meat; but rather from reading her blog these days, kind of a ‘man eater’ ;), as well as being an ‘easy lover’

  • Anonymous

    I like such books for women:)

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