June 21 is my birthday.
And it is on my Thursday, June 21 birthday, the exact day, the precise date, that the LA Weekly has released Jonathan Gold’s 99 Essential Restaurants, which they do every year just about this time, but not at the exact same time. They could have hustled, culled, formatted, and printed 2007’s list a week before. They could have tortured the starving, counter-intelligent masses and waited a week. They could have screwed the entire season altogether just to give Craft and Osteria Mozza and Pink Taco – because who wouldn’t include Pink Taco on a list by Jonathan Gold?!?! – a chance.
But they didn’t.
J Gold’s list – that which need only a pet name of “The 99” because the branded association is so tightly understood between Mr Jonathan “Essential” Gold and 99 restaurants that perfectly capture the essence of LA – came out on my birthday. My birthday! Is it coincidence? A simple twist of fate? Nothing more than the random happenchance calendarial matching of a Thursday-only publishing schedule with Sarah’s birthdaisical almanac for 2007?!?!
I think not.
They did it on purpose.
This is my birthday gift from the LA Weekly. The LA Weekly – they’re like that. JGold is like that. And don’t try to tell me that I am living some fantasy fangirl reader life wherein my Pulitzer prize-winning hero actually might know who I am, okay? He does! J Gold and I are like family! We have the same last name, for fox ache! If JGold were Korean – and really, would you be surprised if he were? – if JGold were Korean, his name would be Jonathan Gim.
Seriously, though, I could not have asked for a better birthday gift. No, there is nothing better than Jonathan Gold’s 99 Essential LA Restaurants on my birthday.
Holy hell. Excuse me.
Ho. Lee. Hell.
Not only did I get my favorite kind of cake, birthday cake, in the form of a multi-page centerfold supplement of LA food porn. Not only was it frosted from the 405 to the 57 with Japanese cream cheese frosting and drizzled with Dulce de Dim Sum from the 210 to the 105. Not only was it sprinkled with four dollar signs and a lot of valet parking. Not only did the LA Weekly deliver a 99-layer 24-karat Gold-filled birthday cake, but…
JGold himself popped out of the cake waving this gmap of all 99 restaurants. (Clicking the map image will go directly to the actual Google map on LA Weekly’s site.)
Now if that doesn’t scream “Happy Fucking Birthday, Delicious!” I don’t know what does.
Seriously, being able to counter-intelligently GPS one’s way around LA pulls so tightly on my geekstrings I just don’t know what to do with myself.
Actually, I do know what to do with myself, but that’s none of your business until this weekend.
** a year ago today, i tra la la-d my way through my annual 29th birthday **
** two years ago today, i celebrated my annual 29th birthday with my very own homemade ricotta gnocchi **