Audrey Magazine’s To Be Seen – This Why I’m (Not) Hot

audrey magazine, april/may 2007 - the delicious life
Eek!

I am quite giddily tickled that I’ve been mentioned in the April/May 2007 issue of Audrey Magazine. (That “cover shot” in the image above is not me.) It’s just a short little paragraph, and it’s all the way at the end, but it’s very cool for me to have The Delicious Life listed as “some of our favorite online journals” along with Go Fug Yourself, Asian Beauty and Style, The Makeup Addict, Daily Dumpling, Nitro:licious, and Eater. Eater! I {heart} Eater LA!

(You hear me, Eater? I {heart} you! Um, need a writer? Call me!)

Seriously, this kind of thing never happens to me.

Never.

Well, maybe “never” is too strong of a word. It’s more like very few, and very far between.

But suddenly, The Delicious is everywhere. I guess when it rains, it reigns.

Does that sound conceited? Self-centered?

Who, me?

Me? Little Delicious moi?!?!

Well, of course me. Wouldn’t you be all kinds of high on yourself if you were mentioned in Audrey Magazine?!?!

Right.

As arrogantly bitchy as I may come off in all of various writings here on The Delicious Life, though, we all know that arrogance, in essence, is really just a flamboyant façade. What’s buried deep inside is a teeny tiny self-esteem that registers so low on the meter, even hearing-eye dogs can’t sense it.

Yes, yes, y’all, I have low self-esteem.

And I am a total egoiste. All I do is talk about ME – how blogging has made ME fat, how I’m so conversationally awkward that I can’t speak with someone unless we both flip out our PDAs right in front of each other and IM, how I shrivel and shrink into a shadow that hovers alone behind the buffet table with a death-grip on her fourth martini at parties, how I was blessed with the ugly genes (“blessed” – ha!) in my family cursing me with a disproportionate gnome body, limp hair, tiny eyes, and a forehead so broad and flat that it confuses the control towers at LAX. It’s all about ME; about MY life. What I think about food. What I like or dislike or love or hate. This is my Delicious Life.

It’s all about me.

But really now, would you think anything else? I’m a blogger; and isn’t that the point of being a blogger? So I can hide? So I can braise in self-pity and -hatred from behind a laptop screen while at once frosting this Delicious Life with layers of makeup and 4” stiletto heels that careen about the dining scene?!

Du-uh.

That’s why, for the last two and a half years that I’ve been spewing the mental sewage that festers in my very big brain on this here blog and whoring myself in and around various corners of the web, I have worked very hard to hide public evidence of my face – both in-person and in pictures. As I have mentioned before, I am not good with social situations. I am awkward, I stutter, I stumble over words and myself, I trip, I spill things, but most of all, I am so painfully self-conscious of the way I look that I prefer to just stay home to spare others the pain and suffering of having to look at my enormous moon-shaped, moon-surfaced, pasty-lake-skinned face and gnomely proportioned body. I hate the way I look, but yet I have a lot of pride, so in order to save myself the ridicule, I regularly scour the web for any trace of my face, then eradicate it. I remove all pictures of myself, demand that they be taken down from other sites, bribe with what little cash I have, threaten with blackmail, etc. I might fall apart if someone were to point and luahg from looking at me.

Not that I think anyone is even looking.

But now. Oh boy, now. Now my picture is out there. Not once. Twice in one place, and again, three times.

It makes me feel really weird and uncomfortable and I kind of want to *gag*.

But I’m still smiling :)

** a year ago today, $12 for a cocktail was painful at the redwood room, san francisco **
** two years ago today, i never worry when it’s hurry curry **

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  • Craig

    And then people write comments hoping that you will acknowledge their presence in the Delicous World you occupy.

    But then comes the age old question, if no one came here to read my words, would I get this recognition and praise.

    Smile Sarah, you deserve it all. :)

  • Michael

    Sarah,

    No more self doubt, you have proven yourself to not only be a beautiful mind, but also now a beautiful person. I hope you will continue your journey to find your personal strength in seeing both of these elements and so much more you have yet to offer.

    – M

  • sarah

    craig: i always acknowledge you!

    michael: beautiful person, maybe. beautiful mind? let’s hope not! ;)

  • Anonymous

    Congratulations on the mention!

  • JF

    lmk when you start accepting applications for executive assistants. Every famous person needs an EA (and I’m all about switching from AE to EA

  • sarah

    anonymous: thank you!

    jf: o, i won’t be accepting applications, then. ur in!

  • Stephanie

    That is a gorgeous photo of you…I wish it hadn’t taken so long (and such publicity!) to finally see YOU!!

    Congrats on the multiple outings…

  • Benny

    Congrats on the publicity! Pretty soon, you’ll be able to go into any bar/restaurant and be all Hollywood and say “Do you know who I am?!?” Haha.

  • levitj

    Mazel. Congrats. Geonbae. I think you should change the picture on the front page of the blog so we get the full monty and not just the red lips.

  • SteamyKitchen

    S-
    I see you EVERYWHERE now…at tastespotting, slashfood, my google reader, online pubs, magazines, thisnext, my dream…

    AAAAHHHHKKKK!!!

    You’re taking over the world!!!

    ;-)

  • JF

    SK has delicious on the brain! None of us can hide from the infamous D.E.L.I.C.I.O.U.S.

  • sarah

    stephanie: oh the wonders of photoshop? maybe?

    and hopefully one day you and i will actually get to meet in person!

    benny: oh no. no no. i would hope that i wouldn’t even have to ask. :)

    levitj: hopefully, these posts will fall off the front page, and future stoppers-by will never find my face ;)

    steamy kitchen: i’m in your dream?!?! i *blush* ;)

    jf: and that’s M.I.S.S. D.E.L.I.C.I.O.U.S if you’re nasty.

  • Caroline on Crack

    Congrats, delicious one! And, yes, you’re a blogger, so I think it’s expected that we’re a tad egotistical. I know I am. Heh.

  • Yamil

    What?
    I am confused… but let me go back a second and introduce myself.

    Hi, I just found this blog by pure chance/luck or maybe destiny? Just had to drop a quick note among the regulars.

    Love the blog, love your style and I simply love that picture. You are one beautiful blogger… with the right attitude to match, if I may abuse my first comment to say so. =)

    As the others have said, congrats, what is happening to you is not by chance, it is a reflection on how much you enjoy what you do.

  • sarah

    carolineoncrack: hello! and thanks for the congrats!

    yamil: confused? how? let me know, and maybe i can unconfuse you?

    and thanks so much for the compliments, though really, they are hard to take.

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